I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize