Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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