Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
