I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
