We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Randomize
