Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
