he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
A bitchslap is in order.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
