If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
