No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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