We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
