Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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