you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
