First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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