I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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