sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
