I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
