im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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