I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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