bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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