I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
