He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
