Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You have to summon your inner elephant
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
