She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
