I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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