trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
