he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
