...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
