Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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