sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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