I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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