I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
