i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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