You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
