Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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