ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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