This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
