So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
