Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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