Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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