Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
