every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
