What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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