drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
