I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
