I wanna bring you to show and tell
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
