No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
is that a dick in a sweater?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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