i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
