New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
