She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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