just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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