..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
