Im at strip club and am horny
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
