What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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