I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Alive.
So much puke
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize