Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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