i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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