Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
