I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
