who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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