I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize