tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
