I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
