My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
