Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
